The transition to my new life hasn’t been the easiest. I am one of those people who is always busy, not necessarily productive but busy. Yeah, one of *those* people. I have a tendency to define myself by my success, my achievements and the number of things on my to-do list. The other part of my brain, the real part, knows that this is all bullshit and nobody (not even me really) cares two hoots about my to-do list. The real part of my brain knows that defining myself by any means other than who I really am is also bullshit. Sadly the real part of my brain doesn’t shout as loudly and keeps losing the argument. Cue big huffy sulks about what a loser I am and a massive pity party with streamers and balloons (even though I have always found balloons slightly scary and alarming).
The reasons for my decision to change everything were manifold and not all of them were within my control – and did I mention I’m a control freak as well, so things being out of my control (especially things like my health that the shouty bit of my brain thinks define me as a successful woman) make me anxious? But the main reason for the change was because I know deep down I need a simple life, with simple routines to be who I truly am. I know I have been living in the shadow of the shouty part of my brain at the expense of the life I really want. But even laying bare all the bones for that life I still keep trying to find ways of filling up my time being busy. Busy doing nothing mostly, and not in a good way.
I had a wake up call this week. It was partly to do with the four day migraine, partly to do with a couple of decisions I had to make. The outcome of all this was simple. If I wanted that life I had to set an intention to do so.
So readers, here I am making myself accountable to you for my intentions for October:-
* To get on my yoga mat five times a week for 30-40 minutes.
* To establish a day to day routine with space to be, to write, to bake, to study for massage school, to teach, to read.
* To write in my journal every day.
* To take each day as it comes, not panic about an imagined dystopian future or worry about mistakes made in the past. To enjoy right now as it happens and to remember that vow of mindfulness I made in January.
Readers, what are your intentions for October?
Rachel this is a great post, I admire you for taking the plunge and choosing to listen to this voice deep inside!
My intention for October? I think it will be trust. Trust in myself, trust and believe that even if I don’t know yet where I’m going, I’ll find out eventually, trust that my purpose is out there and I’ll find it, trust that the journey to it will be beautiful.
Does that make sense at all or is it fatigue talking?
It’s very good that you’ve taken a step back and thought carefully about what you want to achieve. I also need to take each day as it comes and make every day productive but not veering between manic and lazy. My intentions – keep up my exercise regime, find more time to be with my kids, work and play hard and enjoy life! Good luck for October (and beyond)
)
That was meant to be a smiley at the end but it’s come out looking a bit alarmed!
I agree with my fellow responders. I think it is very important as teacher and student to ensure you take time for yourself to become grounded. I struggle with this all the time with a busy corporate life, teaching and still very much a student.
Always a good reminder!
Very lovely post. I can completely relate right now. It feels like floundering around. I enjoyed reading your intentions. Gives me something to think about.
I know I have been living in the shadow of the shouty part of my brain at the expense of the life I really want.
Oh yeah, know that feeling.
xxx