Before we get on to the really good stuff (i.e. the stuff with sugar or brandy or both in it), let’s take a look at some ideas for veggies to go with last week’s lentil loaf. Himself is in charge of the veggies in this house so I will let him take over for one week only.
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Hello, I am the wonderful Himself! This week I’m going to show you how to aggressively make veggies for Christmas dinner. Why aggressive? It’s just more fun that way! On the menu today I have Angry Andy’s Aggressively Mashed Potatoes and Angelic Andy’s Angelically Honey Roasted Parsnips.
First, take a handful of potatoes, throw them in your sink and wash the shit out of them.
Next, grab the potato peeler, and peel the shit out of them!
Then we chop the shit out them
and then we boil the shit out of them. Now this step is very important. A lot of the time, people will boil potatoes until they’re boiled. Usually about 20 minutes on a medium to high heat. This is wrong. You need to absolutely destroy them. 30 maybe 40 minutes should do.
When you’re done, they should almost fall apart on touch and then you can drain the shit out of them.
They should leave a really soggy residue on the drainer thing (it’s called a seive…. –R). (it’s actually a sieve…. –A)
Then the fun bit…MASH THE SHIT OUT OF THEM!!!!! Facial expression necessary!
A really nice subtelty here is to add a knob of butter and grind some pepper in while you mash. You should end with some absolutely gorgeous creamy mashed potatoes.
See, that was fun wasn’t it?!
Next up, parsnips. Now, why are these so angelic? Well, you get to use tin foil and that always reminds me of angel wings in the Christmas nativity plays I was always in at school. You know what else has wings? Bees! Now, honey isn’t vegan, but we need bees to save the earth so I figure that you’re still doing a good thing by all the other hundreds of animals by putting bees to work to produce honey that you can smear on parsnips at Christmas time. However, if you prefer you could just use maple syrup, but think of the trees!
So, gently place two parsnips on a chopping board.
Carefully peel them
And neatly slice and arrange them. Ok, the arrangement isn’t quite so necessary. Remember, these are going in the oven so they need to be fairly thick or they’ll just burn.
Lightly brown them on all sides in a frying pan. It’s Christmas so go all out and treat yourself to some Extra Virgin Olive Oil for this.
Spread them out on a baking tray and pop in the oven for about 15 minutes on gas mark 7.
Grab your honey of choice
And liberally drizzle over your parsnips. Then bake for a further 5 -10 mins so they are lovely and golden.
When you take them out for serving, you’ll have a lot of honey left over. You can either drizzle over them or fill a rammakin and let people choose.
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So there you have it – Himself’s guide to fun with root vegetables 
You will note there are no roast potatoes here. The reason for this is twofold – 1) I have come to the conclusion they are impossible to make properly without meat fat and 2) I don’t actually like them that much.
One final thing. When it comes to green to go with your Christmas dinner we like steamed broccoli and sprouts. Thing is with any green vegetable they make an awful smell when they are steaming. That’s when the bayleaf is your friend. Just put one of these guys in with your veggies while they steam away and smells will be eradicated!
I particularly like the idea of absolutely destroying potatoes through lengthy cooking. Himself should contribute a regular, angry column.
Very cute post (nice try on the angry
). Thanks for making an appearance
This made me giggle a lot
Mash and parsnips are my favourite roast accompaniments!! YUM!
Thanks Himself, great post!
I think that is how many of us are going to feel come Christmas day cooking. This gave me a chuckle though.
i was so happy to see the word shit appear here. it is a fabulous word and should show up more often. yeah!