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This post started with some maggots. I’m not even kidding.
“What is this dirt on the back window?” Himself asked at 10.30 on Saturday night as I was hauling myself to bed (Sunday is the first day of my working week so Saturday nights are decidedly unrock’n'roll in this house).
Bickering ensued.
Until I looked at the “dirt”.
And realised it was moving.
Maggots were crawling up my back window. **
Readers I am not going to lie to you. I FREAKED OUT!! I assumed the foetal position on the sofa crying tears of horror and disgust but also tears of rage at myself because I knew I was over-reacting and yet seemed unable to stop. And me a Yoga Teacher and all…..!
It happens to us all at sometime or another.
The to-do list seems never-ending and life becomes overwhelming. You feel your breath shorten and your shoulders hunch up around your ears.
Life throws you another curve-ball (in my case, maggots), and you allow yourself to react badly. You cry, or feel your heart rate speeding up. You don’t know what to do to slow everything back down again, bring it back on track.
And then there is the multi-spiralled path of the dreaded overthinking. Much as I love the internet it does have a tendency to allow those of us prone to this particular blight to overthink. Should we write a blog post on such and such? Will people judge us and our opinions? What do I know about it anyway? (continued spiralling for several minutes until…..) Everyone else in the world is better than me anyway! *dramatic gesture*. And very often all of this really is in our minds, the only people we are doing battle with is ourselves. For example I was inexplicably nervous about publishing Tuesday’s post, I honestly thought people would see it as some sort of marketing ploy. And I have had nothing but amazing responses from it!
If any of that rings any kind of bell for you at all (and I’m betting most of you are nodding along to at least one of these ridiculous sentences – why do we do this to ourselves?!) then these five little lessons I’ve learned over the years might help you too. The only way to slow ourselves back down to normality again, the only way to tug ourselves out of the spiral is to really make ourselves sit in the present moment and accept what is. Right now.
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1. Acknowledge – this has been one of the most important things for me. Rather than being embarrassed or ashamed of feeling overwhelmed or bad about myself or overly anxious I have begun to acknowledge that this is how I feel. I say hello to my anxiety, ask it what it wants, why it’s here. The alternative is to stuff the anxiety down, ignore it, pretend it’s not there and this just causes the pressure cooker effect. Eventually all of that suppressed anxiety will explode into a full blown panic attack/tantrum. Ask Himself, he’s had the pleasure of witnessing it once or twice! So just say “well hello anxious overthinking, how are you? I haven’t really got time to hang out with you today so I’m just going to get on with this.” It sounds a little mad but it’s a great first step!
2. Move – we all have a favourite way of moving our bodies so get up and do it. Go for a walk, notice each footstep, each breath. Go for a run, without music, feel the vibration of your body every time your foot hits the earth, notice each breath. Dance around your living room to your favourite tunes. Do yoga. Practice Pilates. Stand on your head. Take five yoga poses at your desk.
3. Breathe – we’re breathing all the time. But as I mentioned above, when the whole “fight or flight” thing kicks in, when we panic, when we doubt, when we fear then the sort of breathing we’re doing isn’t conducive to calm body, calm mind. So close your eyes and listen to the breath. This can be done sitting or lying. It can even be done standing if you need a quick fix in a panicked situation. Place one hand on the abdomen and another on the chest. Notice each inhale and imagine it travelling from the upper hand to the lower hand. Notice each exhale and imagine it travelling from the lower hand to the upper hand. Start to notice the movement of the abdomen under your lower hand. Notice the journey of each breath and how each breath becomes longer and longer. Take at least ten breaths.
The breath is intrinsically linked to the mind. When your breath slows your mind slows. Everything slows. And your to-do list becomes manageable again.
4. Write a Small Stone - long time readers of this blog will know that Small Stones are tiny little snippets of writing – five words or two sentences – that observe something as it is right now. The weather, your headache, the spider in the corner of the room. They are the brainchild of Fiona Robyn and the beauty of them is they make you focus on the now for just long enough to bring you back to your senses. Give it a go. You can see some of my small stones here.
5. Rescue Remedy - there are times when none of these things work. And that’s OK. That’s when Bach Rescue Remedy comes in. I don’t write much on the blog about my interest in Bach Flower Remedies, partly because I have no formal qualification in them and partly because, although I definitely believe they work, I can’t for the life of me explain how. But everyone has Rescue Remedy so don’t be afraid to use it. Two sprays on the tongue and you’re good to go.
We can’t control life, much as we want to. We can’t control bad things happening. But we can control our reactions to life. It’s hard hard work and I’ve spent many years living with and working through various anxiety issues, but it is worth it.
Any tips to share readers?
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** the maggots, it turns out, were coming from the corpse of a dead frog that had become stuck in the drain. I am terrified of both maggots (I’m scared of most things without legs -slugs, snails eeeuuurggh) and drains (I read Stephen King’s “It” when I was a little too young to read such things). Himself valiantly went forth to deal with the issue, boiling the maggots with hot water until they popped (not very ahimsa I know but needs must) and disposing of the frog. Oh the joys of living in the fens…..
Such a beautiful post, thank you for this Rachel.
I always find it refreshing when people are transparent about anxiety. It’s no stranger to me and it reminds me that we’re all human, we’re all doing the best we can, and to be compassionate with each other. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle” – Plato
A couple of tools I like to use too:
- The Work, by Byron Katie
- Nonviolent Communication
These help me to slow the anxious thinking down, isolate the story that’s going on, question it and find my true needs beneath it.
With gratitude for you,
Corrina
thank you sooooo much for being so open and writing this post. you were exactly right, i was nodding my head not just with one or two of the thoughts, but for all of them. it’s so nice to know that i’m not the only one
A curve ball of maggots is pretty gross! But I have to say I giggled a little when I imagined your little tanty!
Something else I’d add to your suggestions: if people are feeling anxiety regularly, they should get themselves checked out. Thyroid issues as well as things like ME have depression and anxiety as side-effects/symptoms. That was a massive eye-opener for me!
So we can do all the remedial stuff, but we might also want to consider that something is misfiring in the body, too. In my case, taking a certain combination of vitamin supplements has almost completely eliminated my anxiety symptoms. Not 100%, but pretty darn close to it.
I am so grateful for the thoughts you have shared. I agree that there are some things that happen in our life that are unpredictable or out of our control. I like your suggestion on acknowledging our feelings to better cope and control it. Reading your post is really comforting.
OMGoddess, I was JUST thinking how overwhelmed I have been and am becoming lately….
this was a timely post. Thank you
Another thing that works for me is sitting down and calmly making a plan, a list. Then if it’s manageable- fabulous. If it isn’t- I CUT. It’s difficult, but I’ve started saying ‘NO’ to things.
The reason why I’m overwhelmed right now is because I let myself say ‘YES’ to too much, and this is the result. So sitting down, listing and un-committing it will be. (or being firm w less committing).
(ps- thank you for the little ‘hello!’ on twitter. the above little snippet is why I haven’t been around lately… i miss my bloggy peeps!)