My life is ridiculously busy at the moment. At least, more ridiculously busy than I would like. Days off are taken up with Pilates training coursework and lesson observations and on Friday I head up to Durham for a few days of training to teach prospective yoga teachers.
It’s been a crazy year and I’ve been writing a lot recently about how we need to be kind to ourselves, to listen and to be happy not always chasing rainbows. It’s a kind of balance to the crazy. I wasn’t meant to do two huge trainings at the same time but the Universe seemed to think that was the way forward. And who am I to argue with the Universe?
But despite everything I feel I need to be doing more, that I shouldn’t be so tired, that I should be earning more money, or taking on more clients. That I should be working hard towards those future plans (yeah, that’s right, those ones that might never happen).
Somewhere along the line I’ve lost my curiosity. The ability to just say, “hmmm… here’s an idea”, set the goal and let it go, see where it takes me. Somehow I felt more freedom to be curious about life in my old desk job, when some bigwig was in charge of whether the company I worked for survived or crashed and I just had to turn up every day and collect the paycheque at the end of the month.
But then I remember I chose this life and worked my butt off for years to get it. And that just because it’s my business doesn’t mean I have to worry about it ALL THE TIME!!!!!
Sometimes we have to let things go a little, and sometimes we have to just accept where we are right now. Since leaving that regular paycheque behind I’ve tried to control things more and more, in part because of the fear of having to go back to the regular paycheque, of having to admit defeat. Whereas really I am stressing myself out trying to control the uncontrollable. Who knows what may happen in the future, we may have a seed of an idea as to where we want to go but all we can do is see what that journey is like. Maybe one day I won’t be doing what I’m doing now, maybe one day I will. Maybe one day is always in the future.
And I need to let go of that, to surrender to the present, to breathe again.
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Do you want to spend some time away from everything and learn to breathe again? Perhaps you’d like to join us on our yoga holiday next year. Details here – we’d love you to come!
Oh dear, I know how you feel. Working your ass off and still thinking you’re not doing enough, always trying to plan ahead for what’s next without enjoying what you already have right now… It’s tough, and even though I am not yet completely self employed I do the same thing.
So, yes, take care of yourself, enjoy any moment of downtime you may have, and the hardest thing: when these moments come, try to do nothing. No thing! Yup, easier said than done
Accepting… that’s what I’m trying to be all about right now, too.
Hope things get un-busy sometime soon. xx
We like to be in control of all the things we wanted our life to be, and we become desperate when things just don’t go the way they are. Letting something go is somewhat hard but it necessary for us to be more efficient and more productive as what we really are.