People who know me well are always surprised to hear that as a teenager I hated Dickens.  Hated.  I thought his books were overly long, ridiculously rambly and life was, quite frankly, too short.

When I was 17 (the year in which, basically, I became the person I am today – I’ve been lucky like that, got it all over in one fell swoop), I read The Mystery of Edwin Drood.

And it changed my opinion of Dickens forever.

However, the thing about Drood is, as I’m sure you know, that Dickens died while writing it.  Most people think, like Mozart’s Requiem, that it is unfinished.

That’s as maybe, but unfinished does not necessarily mean incomplete.

There have been many attempts at the ‘constructed ending’ (usually by inferior writers) when it comes to Drood - most recently in the BBC’s rather odd adaptation – and, like really bad sewing, you can always see the join.

To me Drood isn’t incomplete.  I never walk away from reading it with a feeling of dissatisfaction.  I’d go so far as to say that it is perfect just the way it is.  So far as to say, in fact, that it is finished.**

We humans have an almost innate need for things to be done, for loose ends to be tied off, for everything to be tidied away.  Maybe it’s because deep down we know life’s not really like that.  There are nothing but loose ends in life, question marks hanging over paths we didn’t follow, people we lost touch with.  We will most likely die unfinished, a work in progress.  And, if you believe in reincarnation, have to come back and do it all over again, still unfinished.

But we are always trying to beat this. Rather than allow ourselves to be unvarnished we continue to search for new shades of polish. Especially at this time of year, when every newspaper or magazine we open, every other blog post we read is telling us we’re too fat, or too thin, or should eat more raw vegetables, or have less clutter.  Whatever it is, We’re Doing It Wrong and Need To Do It Better.

We really don’t.  Change happens over time.  Most of us change for the better without even realising it’s happened.  And sometimes it’s OK to remain unpolished.  No good has ever come from trying to finish Drood, no good came of adding that awful ending to Requiem. Lots of things aren’t broken, they’re just unfinished, so they don’t need fixing.

This year why not let your loose ends hang free?!

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** Much as I love Dickens now, I still maintiain he’s not very good at endings and often resorts to pantomime and farce to wrap up his loose ends.  Perhaps that in itself is what makes Drood so very very good.

You may remember, readers, last December when I took part in Reverb10 – a journal prompt each day of the month to reflect on the year gone by.  This year Reverb has taken on a more DIY feel. There is no formal set of prompts but, instead, there are ideas for prompts all over the internet. Debbie is doing some lovely ones, but this week I’m stealing five prompts from Catherine.

Let’s go.

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1. Where did 2011 begin?

Curled up at home with Himself, drinking Prosecco on our big purple sofa.  I had a cold (I always have a cold at New Year) and we were nervously excited at the grand opening of the clinic in just ten short days. Nearly a year on it’s hard to believe the clinic has only been open a year – it seems like I’ve been doing this forever, in a good way. All of the New Year’s Eves Himself and I have been together (and this coming one will be the sixth), have been spent together alone in quiet contemplation.  To be honest I wouldn’t have it any other way.

2. Who did you meet?

Oh so many amazing people! In Sydney I met Stella for one wonderful night of Yin Yoga in the rain.  In Melbourne I had lunch with Kerry and Nadine and had the second best day ever up a mountain with Svasti.  The best day ever was spent on the Neighbours tour where I met Nell Feeney (aka Queen of the Bogans).

I finally met my cousin’s little miracle baby in Melbourne as well; Alex is now 2, proudly calls himself ‘Agus’ and fell head over heels for Himself.

I also met a unimaginable number of fabulous clients without whom my business would not and could not have been the success it has been.

I didn’t meet Dave Grohl.  Again.

3. What books did you read?

I started the year by reading the Narnia books back to back in practically one sitting and I’m finishing up the year with Stephen King’s latest 11.22.63 (if the words’ Derry’ and ‘1958′ mean anything to you, then you absolutely have to read this book – also that link contains spoilers). In between I re-read the Baghavad Gita, the Upanishads, Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras and the Rig Veda.  Himself and I read The Time Traveller’s Wife along with a lot of other bloggers. I finally got around to reading Joe Hill’s Heart-Shaped Box (he’s Mr King’s son in case you didn’t know) and wasn’t remotely disappointed and Maupin Armistead’s Tales of the City and was terribly disappointed.  I read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on the plane home from Australia and didn’t really get what the fuss was about and I read a couple of books about cats.  According to my Goodreads profile I have read 45 books in 2011, which is 5 less than last year but 10 more than 2009.  I judge my health by the number of books I read, the more I read the better I’m feeling so that’ll do pig.

4.  When did you struggle?

That said, I struggled with my health this year.  Really struggled.  The tension headaches drove me to distraction through a lot of this year, I’ve had tonsilitis three times and I cannot tell you how exhausted I’ve been.  There is a downside to your business taking off so well – still, I’m better prepared for the onwards and upwards in 2012!  I struggled with giving up wheat and eating meat. I struggled my way through Pilates Teacher Training, knowing in the back of my head that I’d bitten off a little bit more than I could chew this time (still, I did it so can’t complain).  I really struggled upon my return from Australia, it took me months to get back into the swing of things and stop missing everyone so very badly.  Yeah, this year’s been tough – but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right?!

5. What did you discover?

I discovered that flying 12,000 miles is always totally worth it and I mustn’t leave it 6 years before I do it again.  I discovered that cups of tea and pieces of cake and a lot of love will get you through pretty much anything.  I discovered that I’m a bloody good businesswoman, with much better people skills than I give myself credit for.  I discovered that the BWY think I’m worthy of teaching teachers. I discovered that my health is still not great and I really need to accept that more and stop comparing myself to people who’s health is good.  I discovered I don’t have to be bad with money and I discovered my own path and the best way of walking it.

It’s been a big year.

This is the second in what I hope to be a regular series of posts, podcasts and maybe even videos, when I’m feeling savvy, the theme of which is “five”. I hope to cover all kinds of things that I am passionate about, namely: yoga, massage, pilates, small business ownership and living the life you want (even with its hurdles). If you missed last week’s “five things I’ve learned” podcast with Himself, you can listen again here.

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There are 1001 books out there about yoga, about spirituality, about meditation, about anatomy, about business start up. All of them are valid in their own way and all of them will speak to different individuals about different things.

I thought I would share the five books that have spoken to me the loudest over the years, those books that I have returned to again and again when life has thrown me a curve ball and I need to get back on track.

The Heart of Yoga – TKV Desikachar
This is my go to book when I’m stuck on my lesson plans or I need inspiration for my private clients or my own home practice. I would think that anyone who has completed a good quality yoga teacher training has read this book , and would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to take their yoga studies a little bit further. It’s clearly written and illustrated and covers both theory and practice. It contains Q and A sessions with Desikachar himself as well as one of the most beautiful translations of the Yoga Sutras I’ve read.

Beat Fatigue with Yoga – Fiona Agombar
I met Fiona in summer 2008 and later that year went on to assist her at one of her yoga retreats in Turkey. There is a lot written about ME and Chronic Fatigue and, quite frankly, a lot of it is crap. But Fiona has been there, having been struck down in her tracks with ME in the 1990s.  Through her practice of yoga she has got herself back on her feet and in a place where she is able to care and nurture not just herself but others with the same condition. Every time it gets too much, every time I do too much and spread myself too thinly I come back to this book, to these words of wisdom.

Tranquilista – Kimberly Wilson
This is quite a new edition to my bookcase as it was only published in 2010. I think everybody knows Kimberly and her wonderful blog these days, but this book is so much more than just another yoga book. Kimberly uses her background of yoga, meditation and creativity to walk the reader through everything they need to know to start up their own business – even if like her (and me) they start that business in their front room. A lot of the practical information in here is useful only to American audiences as British tax and legal is very different – but  Kimberly believes that your business is part of you, emotionally, physically, spiritually and you should treat it thus. I like to dip in and out of this one when I think “Man, I must have been mad to give up that cushy desk job” and remind myself it was the best thing I ever did!

The Human Body (pub. Dorling Kindersley)
If, like me, you need a good and constant working knowledge of anatomy this is the book for you. It covers every aspect of human anatomy and physiology and is beautifully illustrated throughout. I’m such an anatomy dork I sometimes look at the pictures just for fun! If you feel it’s been a long time since you did your A&P exam and you need to brush up on a few things, or you just want something to hand when seeing clients, this is the perfect starting place.

Spiritual Journeys Along the Yellow Brick Road – Darren Main
I have lost count of the number of times Himself and I have read this book! It is a literal life saver (see what I did there?). Darren uses characters and themes from The Wizard of Oz as archetypes to help us along our own yellow brick roads – a journey where we can move away from ego-centred fear towards a life of love + bliss. There is always something new to discover within the pages of this slim volume and I genuinely believe if everybody read this book the world would be a nicer place.

What are the books that have helped pave your journey?